I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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