The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
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I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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