I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
