Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My feet surprised me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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