when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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