i permit you to call me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
