we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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