Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
