you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
