In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
