I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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