But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
