You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
