Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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