I think my vagina is haunted
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
