Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
