I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize