So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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