I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
