Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I intend to get homeless drunk
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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