anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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