Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
