She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
