Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
