Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
