My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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