I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
