You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
