I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
