first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
