when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
