We need to rekindle our bromance
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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