I'm going to jail i love you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
