Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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