I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
