she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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