dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
