Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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