I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
