i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
