So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
