I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
