go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
