One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
