This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
