he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
