I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
