we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
wow bdsm is so cute
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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