I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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