the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
