so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
