i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
