Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
