Can Purell be used as lube?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Randomize
