Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
