I could make wine with my vomit
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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