Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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