you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
