it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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