census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
