So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize