i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
