I want to make a zoo with you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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