my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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