i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
