I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
