what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
