oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I won the penis lottery.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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