When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my shit smells like andre
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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