My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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