the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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