problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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