Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
please come you make the beer taste better
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
