I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
